IYH 2: REPO MAN VS. HULK HOGAN

The World Wrestling Federation is comprised of all walks of life. From the main office of Titan Tower down to security that guard the ring, it takes village. Then there's the stars to consider, or in some cases - Mega Stars. You know the kind, The Undertaker, Ric Flair...Hulk Hogan. There's also guys that never quite make it, no matter how hard they try. Guys that for one reason or another never quite resonate with either the fans or the office - guys like the Repo Man, who let's be real, nobody ever saw winning a single match, let alone tossing Hulk Hogan over the top rope and surviving till the very end of the TV title Battle Royal. The Repo Man is a tragic case really - All the talent in the world, and the size to boot, but for some reason just can't be taken seriously...or perhaps there is a reason. Perhaps it's as clear as daylight. He's a jokester, a clown, the village idiot if you will, but underneath it all is a champion ready to break the chains holding him back, and ultimately be the ONE man to end "Hulkamania" once and for all. The man that goes down in the history books as not some joke on the undercard, but a man people remember for something great.


Our scene begins in an undisclosed garage. We see the Repo Man standing next to a shiny black motorcycle that reads "Hulkamania" across the gas tank. He stands there with a cloth in his hand and appears to be polishing the bike, and taking care of it as if it were a prized possession. He finally looks up and notices the camera and chuckles before he speaks.

Repo Man* Hehehe you found me! I give up! ohhh but really though, isn't she a beauty?

Repo Man points downward to the bike and continues.

Repo Man* The night I stole this from Hogan was one of the greatest nights of my life, cause it cost him the Heavyweight title. It only pales in comparison to the battle royal that I ALMOST won, cause boy oh boy oh boy TOSSING Hogan right over that rope like a sack of bricks felt OHH so good heheheh!

Repo Man spits on the bike and then rubs the cloth furiously over that spot.

Repo Man* Gotta take care of this bike, oh I do hehehe cause it's MINE now and that sucker ain't EVER getting it back, and you know why? Cause he ain't ever beating ME! nooo way JOSE! and I'm so sure of it I'll even ride this into my match at In Your House against Hogan, you know...add some salt to the wound. You see the way I see it, Hogan has this God complex right? and you gotta beat him mentally probably more so than physically! You gotta break him down systematically - and I think that's what most people that have come before me have failed to understand! But ohhh no oh no oh no The REPO MAN get's it! and that's why...hahaha...I'm going to WIN!

Repo Man steps away from the bike and takes a seat in an old greasy chair that looks like it's probably been in the garage for years. He picks up a wrench and fiddles around with it in his hand while he speaks.

Repo Man* Hogan I have the key now, the key to your bike AND victory. Outsmart you, weaken you mentally, confuse you, make you doubt juuuuust a little bit, and that seed of doubt will grow oh yes it will, and I know it's ALREADY growing! taking that bike, tossing you over the ropes like you were NOTHIN, oh I know that got to you, and you might be mr. muscle man, but you're not mr. brains and I got your number Hogan!

Repo Man begins to toss the wrench back and forth between his hands and then "accidentally" throws it right at the bike. You hear a loud TINK metal on metal sound and the view turns briefly to the bike showing a scratch and dent in the gas tank right above the "Hulkamania" decal.

Repo Man* OOPS! and I spent so much time making it beautiful! I know a thing or two about beauty Hogan. I know there's beauty in how poetic your defeat will be. I know there's beauty in...hehehehe...pinning you for that song, you know the song right? it goes ooonnnne tttwwwoooo thhhhrreeeeeee hahahaha, yeah. It'll be truly glorious because it's not going to be just another win, just another match, just another night OH NO OH NO! it's going to be the downfall of Hulkamania, and the beginning of the end for Hulk Hogan. People everywhere will whisper "did you see Hogan get beat by the Repo Man?" and you won't be able to live with yourself will you, you egomaniac? Ahhh I love it when a plan comes together! It's....BEAUTIFUL!

Repo Man stands up from the chair, dances and jiggles his way towards the bike like some kind of clown, and then viciously kicks it over.

Repo Man* Hogan...the time for jokes and games is just about over. At In Your House I END HULKAMANIA once and for all, and yes...the beautiful thing about it is there's nothing you and your lousy 24 inch pythons can do about it. Say your prayers, eat your stupid little vitamins, and show up to get BEAT by ME! TOOOOOOTALOOOOO HOGAN, TOOOOOOTAAALOOO!

The Repo Man looks into the camera very seriously, then smiles like a huge goofball right before the scene fades to black.